Amalgamation I

by zenquaker

Yeah, I know, I haven’t posted in a while.

It all started Tuesday. It was another rough day at work, frustrations with the new system and little time to deal with it due to other people making demands on my time. Then I got home, meditating on the train on the way, and did my Chess habit. Felt good. But then I went to post it on the Habit Course forums. One of the re.sponses to my post from Monday was just so patronizing that it totally pissed me off. I was trying to get past my anger and make a reasonable response, but I couldn’t separate my anger at the patronizing post from my anger with my frustration with work. I spent a half hour or more trying to form a response before I decided it would be better than I just not respond.

But my anger stayed with me. I used to have horrible insomnia. I tried all sorts of things: drugs, herbal substitutes, quitting caffeine. Nothing worked until I started doing Zen meditation and realized that what was keeping me awake at night was my anger. Well, it sure kept me awake Tuesday night. I got to sleep from sheer exhaustion, but kept waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep.

So I got up late, hit delays on the metro thanks to a fire at Union Station, and had an even worse day at work. I made it through the day knowing that I had Netflix coming, and could spend the evening zoning out to NCIS. I get home and there is nothing in the mailbox. I’m used to not getting mail, or only getting junk mail, but that empty mailbox last night made me feel so sad. But I had a guardian angel in the form of one of my neighbors (codename Warm Stream). She had come home and found our building’s mail boxes unlocked and left open by the mailman, who was nowhere to be seen. Seeing three DVDs in my mailbox, she figured she should get those before someone stole them. She left a note on my door, and I got my NCIS, and I zoned out. But I needed to zone out really badly, so I didn’t post anything. I did do my Chess habit though, and felt good about it. Probably because I did 19 problems and only missed 1.

Today I got things done at work, which was good. I got everything off my task list so I could work on the new, incredibly elegant program that I’ve been furtively working on every week or two. The training funds got straightened out so that I can attend a regional programming conference that will be in Alexandria this year. It did end on a down note. Testing my new program revealed a major bug in the new system that was installed at the beginning of the month (I’m going to give the new system a codename: Sharp Floor). Not only is it a major bug, it’s probably the biggest bug found in Sharp Floor since it was installed on the first of this month, at least from the perspective of my division. Three weeks in and we’re still finding new, huge problems with Sharp Floor. I’m almost not frustrated with the bugs anymore, because I’ve come to expect them. But I’m starting to become frustrated with the idea of having to work with this system for the next ten to fifteen years. Not to mention having to work late to make sure the bug was properly documented before sending it to the contractors. I’m not sure why I bother, considering that the contractors never bother to properly document anything.

I feel like I’m back on track, though. Yeah, the bug was a downer. But I found the bug because I made progress on my new search program, and I found the bug because I kick ass, dammit.