Movie Review X

by zenquaker

Green Lantern

Abin Sur of the Green Lantern Corps is mortally wounded facing an unknown enemy. He crash lands on earth, where his magic green ring Hal Jordan, reckless and irresponsible jet pilot, to become the heir of the greatest Green Lantern ever known. Can the new, reluctant Green Lantern overcome his fear, save the planet earth, and get the girl? Don’t bother watching the movie, it’s not worth finding out.

You know this movie is going to be bad when one of the first lines (after the lengthy exposition of the intro) is “We’ve crashed in the Lost Sector, send help immediately.” Dude, you’re in the Lost Sector. They can’t send help if the place you’re in has been lost. It just gets worse from there. The movie is slower than granny in traffic [-]. We don’t even get any serious super hero action until 70 or 80 minutes into the stupid thing. The time is wasted between developing a character you could care less about [-] and boring scenes of the rest of the Green Lantern Corps and the Guardians (rejects from the original Star Trek) trying to deal with the universe destroying villain. It doesn’t help that the universe destroying villain is another Star Trek reject crossbred with the Flying Dreadlocks Monster [-]. The only thing that this movie has going for it is that the special effects are beautiful [+], and it doesn’t have Jack Black in it.

Final Rating 2/10

Best Quote: There wasn’t one. Really? Two hours of dialogue and you can’t come up with a single good quote? Feh.

I know, that’s four super hero movies in a row. I was going to break it up with Vanishing on 17th Street, but the DVD vanished. Near as I can figure, the envelope from Netflix got ripped on it’s way to me. The part with my address separated from the part with Netflix’s address (and the DVD). So the DVD got sent back to Netflix, and I got the other part of the envelope in a baggie labeled “Damaged Mail.”

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