Today I sent the following object and the following letter to the Martin’s Potato Chip Company.
Martin’s Potato Chips
P.O. Box 28
A few months ago, my local grocery store was out of my usual potato chips: plain Ruffles. They had sour cream and onion Ruffles, and sea salted Ruffles, and queso jalapeno Ruffles; but to me all those flavors might as well be rat turn and guano Ruffles. I just want potato chips.
They did have a plain version of your potato chips, so I bought a bag. I liked them very much, and switched to buying your brand.
Recently, however, I was about halfway through a bag of your chips when I discovered the enclosed unidentified brown object. I was not sure if it was just a potato gone wrong, or the primary disease vector of the coming zombie apocalypse. Given that I was halfway through the bag and not yet dead, I decided to eat the rest of the bag. Besides, I have always wondered what brains taste like.
Please respond with the nature and origin of the enclosed unidentified brown object. That will either allay my fears, or provide valuable clues to post-apocalyptic archaeologists.
Your when I am hungry,
Craig William O’Brien
If I get a response, I will post it to the blog.